Sightless Snogging: Reflections on National Kissing Day

Without the terrific technological tool that is Twitter, I might have gone through the entirety of my life blissfully unaware of such holidays as International Coffee Day, National Gay square-dancing Day, and National Kissing Day, which is apparently celebrated today.

IN my experience, I have very little reason to actually celebrate saliva swapping. If there were a tonsil hockey team, I’d be on the bench, seriously.
Exhibit A: my first kiss- the sightless snog. He was blind. His mouth-eye coordination was slightly off-center. I was 16, and my first-kiss fantasy looked a bit like this film scene. I thought: what difference did it make if we were both blind? Real people, you know, on T.V, closed their eyes anyway, so technically we held a considerable advantage over the sighted snoggers of the world…except, well, not so much.

I knew precisely what was happening the moment I felt his breath on my cheek, and all I could think of was that joke: “What do you call a tennis match between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder?…Endless love.”

The internal dialogue went something like this: ‘Oh god, that’s my neck. This is getting a bit too Bram Stoker. He’s missing. Should I, maybe, direct him a bit? Yes, I should guide him through it, verbally. Maybe this will be easier with a talking target.’

In the end, he gave the whole thing up as a bad job and just sort of bumped his cheek against mine in something akin to Eskimos…or those cartoon gnomes on Nickelodeon. I think Mark Darcy would agree here that nice boys definitely do not kiss like that.

Question: do you remember your first kiss?

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6 Comments »

  1. breezyk said

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    • poetprodigy7 said

      Oh, you are such a darling! Thank you!

  2. The first guy who kissed me was nice enough to ask first if he could. Haven’t come across those kind of manners since, but the kissing has gotten better…

    • poetprodigy7 said

      I don’t recall anyone asking–not the first time. I had a boyfriend who used to ask if he could occasionally, which I thought a bit weird, because of course I wouldn’t mind if he did.

  3. guate6 said

    My first kiss was homecoming 1999 with a girl named Stephanie. She had been advised to tighten her lips, which she did, and while it was the worst kiss ever, it was a kiss.

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