Ringing to the Beat of my Heart: or, What Cellphones, Treadmills, and Pride and Prejudice Have in Common

Tuesday morning, 6:30 A.M: I’m calmly sipping my coffee and sifting through e-mails, not yet awake enough to be pissed off about being in a vertical position, when my cell phone rings; it’s my mother. My mother doesn’t call me at 6:30 in the morning. Nobody calls me at 6:30 in the morning: unless they’re informing me of the death of a loved one, or on fire, or being held at gunpoint by the Craigslist killer; basically anything you’d classify as urgent, life-threatening, or immediate information I need to be apprised of before I’ve become fully conscious. Or, in the case of my mother, if you’re inadvertently purse-dialing me on the way to work. With emergency lights popping in my brain, I rushed to the phone and answered: “Hello?” (Silence, and a squabbling sound that may or may not have been fingers…or a mouse). “Hello?” (More silence). Once more, because third time’s the charm: “Hello?” (Jingle, jingle, jingle.). The gears are now beginning to clunk into motion. If you were paying attention earlier, you’ll remember that I hadn’t yet finished my coffee, so you’ll please forgive the lack of superb Sherlockian deductive reasoning. As I stood frowning and listening intently to the sounds of clinking and clanking, two possibilities presented themselves.
1: My mother is being held captive at the North Pole by a kidnapper disguised as Santa Clause.
2: My mother has inadvertently purse-dialed me.

Logic and recollections of past experiences (the most recent of which was last week) led me to the conclusion that #2 was the more likely explanation. I had just enough time to register relief that no one in my family was caught in a life-threatening crisis before I realized that my heart was pounding fit to burst out of my chest. I actually considered skipping my morning routine at the gym, because my mother’s accidental phone call managed to accelerate my heart rate more effectively than a cardiovascular workout…or Colin Firth in a wet shirt. FYI, my current ringtone is the theme from the BBC Pride and Prejudice, so the previous association is an entirely logical and justified connection.

Of course, I did go to the gym, because I have no intention of letting this Thanksgiving-induced turkey tummy get the better of me. I realize it’s the Christmas season, but the snowman look doesn’t really jive with the current skinny jeans fashion craze.

Question: Do you have friends or relatives guilty of the purse or pocket-dialing offense? Are you guilty of it yourself?

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9 Comments »

  1. Colin firth. ❀ just putting that out there. Luckily for me, I do not own a cel phone as certainly i would be the but dailer offender.

  2. I own a flip phone, so I can’t purse/pocket dial when cell is on. Though I do know people who own non flip phones/pdas/smart phones that have done that before. I’m praying it doesn’t happen to me when I go on the IPhone 4S banwagon next month.

    …And yes: if someone calling me at that hour who normally doesn’t would warrent in an anxiety attack.

    Bet you two had a good laugh over it afterwards.

    • poetprodigy7 said

      Everyone who has one does it occasionally, but my mother is a repeat offender, and it drives us all mad.

  3. I used to pocket dial my friend Aaron all the time until I got an iPhone. Whoops πŸ™‚

  4. clafitzy said

    Are you guilty of pocket-dialing offense towards Colin Firth!
    I plead guilty, your honour!

    Ok, stop dreaming! πŸ™‚

    Great choice of ringtone… and that white shirt… ok ok… enough FirthDreaming. πŸ™‚

    Cheers from Italy.

    • poetprodigy7 said

      Ha, pocket-dialing Colin Firth…that’s probably my worst nightmare. I’m just klutzy enough to manage something that embarrassing.

      • clafitzy said

        Yes that’s my problem too..
        I’m sure that if I met him I’d spoil everything remaining mute, saying something very stupid or fainting directly on his feet.

      • poetprodigy7 said

        But you know, it’s OK, because he is Mark Darcy, and Mark loves Bridget, who is the queen of awkward.

  5. clafitzy said

    Ahahahaahah, I missed your comment, how Bridgetish of me! πŸ™‚
    You’re right.. I’ve just discovered that Colin has been in my city and I didn’t know it… So depress about this. That’s not right, he should have pocket-dialled me! πŸ™‚

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