I did my Homework. Can I have my Martini Now?

Project Give Thanks day 14

“Why can’t the English teach their children how to speak?” famously asked Henry Higgins in 1916, and nearly a century later, I’m compelled to confess that I don’t think we’re any nearer answering that question than we were when George Bernard Shaw penned “Pygmalion”.

I have spent the entire week grading essays, and I am happy to report that, Thank God and all his angels, that I’ve finally finished. A memo to the U.S government: if you’re really serious about finding an effective means of torturing spies, I highly recommend grading essays. I guarantee they’ll tell you everything you want to know in approximately 10 seconds. 5 if the essay lacks punctuation; 3 if it uses any form of “netspeak”. I don’t want anyone getting the impression that I dislike my job. On the contrary, I’m quite passionate about it. What I dislike is the modern technology that gives students the impression that manually proofreading an essay has been made unnecessary. Auto-correct is a swearword in my classroom. After grading this batch of essays, I had a strong inclination to take a bath…in vodka.

In any case, I’m finished, and I now have the privilege of looking forward to a high-calorie, high-alcohol content, low nutrition value evening with the lovely K. Does belly-aching hilarity constitute exercising your stomach muscles? Because I think we might have hit on a brilliant new workout plan: laugh your way to sexiness.

What are you thankful for today?

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6 Comments »

  1. I would love to know how a blind person grades essays. I am assuming, since you are able to read comments on this blog, that the essays are submitted to you electronically. I was going to write more, but I’m afraid of making any errors!

    • poetprodigy7 said

      yes, that’s exactly right. My students submit everything electronically, and my computer is equipped with a screen-reading, or text-to-speech software that reads what appears on the screen. 🙂

  2. Even before technology – it wasn’t pretty….even before “whole language” and “what you say is important, don’t let grammatical conventions/ how you say it slow you down – it wasn’t pretty. The excuses change, but the errors remain the same. You so deserve that vodka! (thanks for making them write essays).

    • poetprodigy7 said

      I will always make them write essays; as long as there is human communication, there will be writing. There are and have always been effective and ineffective ways to communicate, but sometimes I feel like technology has exacerbated the problem, not because technology inhibits writing. IN fact, I think it enriches it, but because people see it as a time-saver, and they become lazy writers as a result.
      Thanks for reading. 🙂

  3. Does belly-aching hilarity constitute exercising your stomach muscles? Because I think we might have hit on a brilliant new workout plan: laugh your way to sexiness. – YES. GOD YES. i’ve got a full-on eight-pack to show for it!

    and i sometimes teach visually impaired, legally blind and completely blind grownups. they are my favorites. of course i’m comparing them to degenerate, complaining government workers…so there’s that. still…there is brilliance in the way you perceive…and i’ve never felt more stupid than when i hear the shit my sighted self says in front of a room of blind people.

    • poetprodigy7 said

      OH, and you’d be surprised what crazy things I say to my sighted students. They don’t know what to do or how to react to me at the beginning, but once I pull out my Stevie Wonder jokes, they tend to loosen up.

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